My First Love


When I was 9 years old, I met a vivacious young girl named Nicole. She was always smiling. She loved to dance and ride horses, and we quickly became best friends. We went to school together, we had sleepovers, we made up plays, and we fought sometimes. We laughed and hugged a lot. We especially loved coloring horses, they were our favorite.


Nicole was my first great love. She was the first person outside my family that I had a deep affection for, and when I was 11 years old, she died. It shattered my heart to pieces. All I wanted to do for weeks was sleep, and after many worried nights, my parents took me to a psychologist, who told them I was clinically depressed.


I've never really gotten over it. I internalized at a very young age that love is extremely vulnerable, and people you cherish can abandon you and never come back. I wrote her letters in my journal for over a year, and while that did help, when I think about her now I still cry. The depression has never let me, and I often swallow my feelings with food. Food became the friend that I could always count on, it will never leave.


At the beginning of a planetary transit, issues will surface that help me to understand how these celestial bodies influence us here on Earth, this way I can share my insights with you. Since Jupiter entered Capricorn yesterday, the issue that has come up for me is how I use food to avoid feelings of loneliness, heartache, and loss. Capricorn rules the 6th house of my natal chart, which covers health, diet, daily routines, work habits and service to others. It's clear this is the area I'll be working on over the next 12 months. I have to learn how to experience my pain without using food to numb it or hide from it.


What themes have come up for you so far? If you don't have your birth chart and would like to know which house and area of life Jupiter will be influencing for you, send me an email with your birthday, birthplace (city/state) and birth time.


We all have childhood wounds. Showing yourself love and compassion as you heal and process your injuries is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Remember, we are all trying to navigate a very large and vulnerable world.


You are not alone.


Sending you love,

Caroline



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