Updated: Apr 5, 2019
It's true that love can only last if there's compromise. In order to make a relationship work, we might have to sacrifice some of our time, our activities, even rearrange our priorities. Of course, these decisions are not to be made lightly, and should arise after much conversation, mutual respect and understanding.
Nevertheless, there are some things we should never compromise: our sense of self, our boundaries, our values and our integrity. Yet we do this all the time when dating. Why? Because we like them, they’re one of a kind, we’re in love with them, we’re afraid we’ll lose them, or, my personal favorite, they have "potential”. Some examples:
You want a relationship, but they don’t/aren't sure/aren't ready. Perhaps they have intimacy issues stemming from a difficult past. What do you do? You say you’ll wait. You understand. You even offer to be their personal therapist. It’s cool if you just “hang out”.
You are a minimalist; you enjoy the simple things in life, and yet you fall in love with someone who cares very much about brand names and buying the latest gadgets.
You might be the one who likes having nice things, and you need stability and security in order to feel grounded, but you fall in love with a minimalist who believes non-attachment is the way to go.
You value honesty and accountability, but your partner is fine with the “grey area” and always blames others for their problems.
Spending quality time with family important to you, but your partner is a workaholic. Or perhaps you're the workaholic, and you fall in love with someone who wants you to sacrifice your work for their priorities.
You believe in respect and kindness, but you let your partner walk all over you, shout at you, talk down to you, or comment on your weight or appearance in a negative manner.
Let me tell you something, loves. It is always better to lose someone if it means saving yourself. If you lose yourself in a relationship, no matter how wonderful that person might be, it is a long and painful road to finding yourself again and reassembling all the pieces of your shattered heart.
Compromise your time if you want to. Shift around your schedule if you really love them. But do not compromise your values, your integrity, or your sense of self. You are who you are. You believe what you believe. You want what you want. If you really want a healthy relationship, then no more f---ing around. Stand up for yourself.