Jupiter in Cancer - Expressing Needs & Feelings

"Unending" by Francesca Borgo. Via The Artling.

On June 9th, Jupiter left Gemini and began its residence in the sign of Cancer for the duration of 13 months. To paint a picture of what this transit might look like for us individually and collectively, let's break down the symbolism of both Jupiter and Cancer:

Jupiter: learning and growth, perspective-taking, worldview, hope and optimism, generosity, confidence, seeing things in a whole new light with new eyes.

Cancer: family relationships and dynamics, how you define your sense of "home", how you give and receive emotional support, emotional intelligence, intuition, nurturing and caretaking, self-soothing, connecting to our feelings, moods, and the cycles of the moon.

Combining these elements, Jupiter traveling through Cancer will bring whole new perspectives, learning and growth in terms of how we support each other emotionally and find comfort in our families (be they blood or chosen). There will be a lot of themes around how we connect to our intuition, how we recognize emotions as pure energy and how we look to our feelings as teachers, rather than as inconvenient or messy problems that need to be suppressed. There is great potential to expand our emotional intelligence at this time, and to learn how to better nurture those we care about while also improving how we express and advocate for our emotional needs. 

Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and this nighttime luminary signifies the subconscious mind. Exploring our inner psyche and giving voice to feelings we may have otherwise avoided are key themes. During this time, Jupiter will connect us more deeply to the Moon: we'll appreciate her beauty, pay more attention to her cycles, and learn to work with her in new ways. If you haven't explored New and Full Moon rituals yet, this is a great time to give them a try. If you already engage in moon rituals, this transit may help you deepen your practice. 

Cancer is also the archetype of the Mother. Cancer is nurturing and soothing, wiping away our tears and gathering us in her warm embrace. During this cycle, we may feel a greater call to nurture---you may decide you want to become a parent or give birth to a child, you may adopt a new pet, you might fill your house with plants, become more involved in your local community, or step into a greater role of responsibility and caretaking in your family. We are learning how to provide care, comfort and safety for others.

This Jupiter / Cancer transit will also teach us how to emotionally self-regulate and co-regulate. One of the lessons Cancer teaches is that it's important to have a community of friends and family around you that you can lean on for emotional support, while also remembering that you are ultimately responsible for ensuring your emotional needs are met. This means learning to self-soothe, to care for yourself and take time out for rest or for a good cry. Receiving support also looks like advocating for yourself and asking others for help. We can't expect people to read our minds or to anticipate our needs. Learning to recognize our emotions and communicate them effectively with others is an essential life and relationship skill. 

Look, I get it---sharing our feelings can be terrifying. Many of us are afraid of rejection or abandonment if we express our needs. We may fear appearing weak or needy, and these beliefs can often be reinforced in our families and in society. To quote John Bowlby, pioneer of attachment theory: "We are only as needy as our unmet needs." Read that again.

No one is "needy". We are human, we have needs, and those needs vary from person to person based on a unique compilation of personality, lived experience, past memories, and personal values. This Jupiter in Cancer transit will challenge all of us to listen to, honor, and communicate our needs and feelings, and to hold compassionate space for the needs and expressed emotions of others.

I'd like to share a valuable tool that can assist us as we navigate the watery depths of Jupiter in Cancer. Some of you may already be familiar and well-versed in this tool. Let's review this tool below.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

The "I Feel" Statement is a powerful tool that you can use to communicate needs, feelings, and boundaries, and it includes three steps:

1. Expressing your feeling(s)
2. Share your objective observation of what causes these feelings
3. Communicate your need/boundary/request.

Let's break it down:

1. "I feel ____ (emotion)."
You can reference the Feelings Wheel if you need help identifying your emotion. 

2. "I feel this way when/because _____. / (objective statement of observation)." 
The key with this is objectivity (Examples: “I feel this way when you arrived later than what we agreed to.” “I feel this way because we both agreed to do [xyz] and you did not fulfill your part of the agreement.”) You are not evaluating, labeling, judging or criticizing the situation, you are making a statement of observation based on what occurred. Statements that are based on evaluation or judgment are likely to cause people to shut down or get defensive. Judgmental statements often include assumptions about someone's character (e.g. “you’re so lazy”, “you’re a liar”) , or use words like always, never, or should (e.g. “you never cared about me!”, “you should have known better”). Objective statements deal with facts, with what actually occurred. I'll share some examples of the difference below.

3. "I need / suggest _____." (expression of need, boundary, or request)
What is it that you need? What is your boundary? Do you have an idea for how you and the other individual/group may seek understanding or resolution?

Here are some examples of how to set a boundary using "I feel" statements, with an example of judgmental vs. objective statements:

Situation: A friend interrupts you during a conversation.
Judgmental statement: "I feel hurt when you always interrupt me. You're so rude and self-absorbed. Real friends should listen to each other."
Objective statement: "I feel hurt. I feel this way when you begin talking before I finish my sentence. It’s important to me to feel heard when I'm sharing something vulnerable; please wait until I'm done sharing."

Situation: A co-worker misses a meeting.
Judgmental statement: "I feel frustrated when you're irresponsible and don't show up for meetings. Please always be on time."
Objective statement: "I feel frustrated. I feel this way when I am left waiting because you missed the meeting we had agreed on today. In the future, please be on time or communicate in advance if you won't be able to make it."

Situation: A roommate leaves dishes out.
Judgmental statement: "You're so inconsiderate when you don't clean your dishes. Hasn't it occurred to you that the rest of us may need to use them?"
Objective statement: "I feel frustrated. I feel this way because the dishes were left in the sink overnight. Please clean your dishes after you use them so they are available for us to use. "

Below are some examples of how to express your feelings using the above formula when a boundary isn't necessary. 

Situation: You're feeling lonely and are reaching out to a friend.
"I feel lonely (emotion). I feel this way because my partner is away on a work trip (objective statement). I need additional emotional support right now. Is it okay if we hang out this week? (expression of need)

Situation: You're overwhelmed and need support.
"I am feeling overwhelmed (emotion). I feel this way because my workload is heavier this week and the kids are also needing extra help with their homework (objective statement). Can we split some of the household duties this week so I have time to recharge? (expression of need)

Situation: You're feeling down and need help and reassurance.
"I am feeling discouraged (emotion). I feel this way because I'm struggling to complete all the things on my to-do list this week (objective statement). Would you mind helping me talk things out and sort through my list of priorities so that things feel more manageable?" (expression of need)

While it can feel scary and vulnerable to share our needs and feelings, doing so often leads to deeper emotional connections with the people we care about. The people who love us want us to feel cared for and supported, and they are usually more than happy to help meet our needs if/when they are able to do so. Furthermore, being open, vulnerable, and expressing our needs often empowers others to feel safe doing the same. 

I'll end with a quote from the late and great Dr. Seuss: 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

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Do you have some feelings you need to explore or release? Book a session with me. Astrology can help you to understand the patterns coming up for you right now, and Hypnotherapy can help you better understand your underlying motivations and assist you in releasing suppressed emotions.

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