On Gaza, Grief, And Conversations With God
Photo by Agence France-Presse (AFP)
October is my favorite time of year. I love all things witchy, magical, and mystical. My original intention with this newsletter was to honor the fun that comes with this time of year. However, with Mars having recently entered Scorpio on September 22nd, I’ve found myself deep in the underworld, sitting with the pain of what is going on in the world right now. There is so much hate and division, and I can’t just brush my feelings aside. This newsletter is also a space for me to share what’s on my heart, and I hope you all will indulge me a little.
I recently watched a video of a doctor describing what he saw while working in Gaza. He shared in gruesome detail the countless children that are suffering and dying in this war, and the families whose lives are being torn apart. I’ve been grieving immensely for their pain, and have felt helpless, and angry with God.
I’ve had many conversations with God lately, expressing my rage and my heartbreak, and demanding answers. It is so hard to have faith when innocents are suffering. I’ve been feeling like I’m not doing enough to alleviate the pain of this world, and that God is not doing enough. (Thankfully, God is eternally patient and gracious and can handle all of my anger and doubt.)
I will share with you the wisdom that She has shared with me in response to our conversations, in the hope that it will also bring you some peace with whatever you are navigating right now.
God has reminded me that She created us in Her image---to be Creators. She gave us free will so that we might also create. With this free will comes Choice---the choice to focus on love or fear, and what we focus on, we create more of. God may have created the Universe and this beautiful Earth that we live on, but we have created the world that we see. We are collectively responsible for the pain that we see. Fear, anxiety, hopelessness, hatred, separation and greed have created what we see. God has reassured me that we can awaken from this nightmare by choosing what we see. We can choose to see love---to bear witness to those who are showing up, helping others, and fighting for what is good in this world. I can choose to focus on the pain of the children and families in Gaza, and to feel hatred towards those who are hurting them, or I can choose to focus on the doctors, the activists, the diplomats that are risking their lives to save them. God said to me: “Choosing to focus on love does not mean you are dismissing their pain. Love is the only way to heal their pain.”
In divine timing---as always---God comforted me through my husband when Forest recently shared a story with me of a woman who survived a murder attempt. This woman shared that in the days leading up to this horrific event, and during the event itself, she heard the Holy Spirit talking to her, warning her of what was to come, but also reassuring her that she would be okay, that she was safe. The message she wanted to share with the world is that, during times of suffering and death, God is with us. We are never alone in our suffering. God’s love is greater than anything we might suffer. This story brought me comfort to know that the children dying in Gaza are being lovingly held and carried over the threshold into peace and eternal life.
Through my pain and my grief recently, I’ve discovered that at the root of it all is the belief that I’m unworthy of God’s love, that I’m not doing enough, not helping enough. This is what God said to me in response: “You are always worthy of God’s love. There is nothing you need to do to be worthy of it. It is my gift to you, when I created you, that you receive all the love and blessings I have to offer. It is not your job to save the world, or to ease all the pain, that is my job. I have already done this; I have already overcome the world. Your job is to trust in me, and to share the love I give you with others. That is all I ask of you.”
It is so easy to feel we are not enough, or that we are not doing enough. Those are the messages we receive on constant repeat---from society, from the government, from organizations and institutions that want something from us, that instill fear in us so that we may be more easily controlled. This is the darkness of the world---the desire for power and control. And yet, none of this is stronger than the divinity we are given by the Creator of our soul. Our spirit is stronger and more resilient than any fear.
God has instructed me that to effectively give love to others, I must first give it to myself. “Believe you are worthy of my love, and trust in me to guide you and show you the way, one step at a time. The answers you are seeking will come, little by little, when you have faith in me. I will take care of you; you don’t have to do this alone.”
One way I am sharing love with myself is by sharing with you this grief I have been feeling. It’s weighed heavily on my heart, and I share it with you because I know I am not alone in these feelings. What has been miraculous for me is the love and support God has shared with me during this time. To live alone with our pain is indeed to live inside a nightmare. To share our pain with others, to let it be soothed and comforted through love, that is how we create heaven. This is the journey we can choose to take.
My faith has been greatly strengthened by choosing to trust God, to trust in the force of love that is stronger than anything. This is the transformation that Scorpio brings. Into the heart of darkness we journey when Scorpio is at the helm, and yet, on the other side of the underworld we are received by Sagittarius, the sequential follower of Scorpio, and Sagittarius represents Faith.
Whatever it is that you believe, or which spiritual path you follow, dear reader, Love is worth having faith in. Who would we be without it?
I am honoring the pain of the people in Gaza and Israel who are being impacted by this conflict. I am sending love and prayers over to them. I am praying to God that She reveals to me the ways that I can continue to help them. I trust that She will.
